


Kaiidth. Or Whatever.

by GeneratorCat, TaneKore



Series: JayTim Week 2017- Valentines Edition [3]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, I'm pretty sure, M/M, Vulcan!Jason, accompanying artwork, alternating tense, you don't need to have seen Star Trek to read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 09:52:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9814037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeneratorCat/pseuds/GeneratorCat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaneKore/pseuds/TaneKore
Summary: Then Jason’s face closes off completely. He turns blank, emotionless. And while this would be normal for any other Vulcan in the universe, it isn’t normal for Jason, and this is what pushes Tim from concerned to terrified. Like Jason was, just a second ago.“Excuse me,” Jason says, and his flat tone creeps Tim the fuck out. He turns and walks away, leaving Tim sitting there, alone, shocked, with their unfinished breakfast.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For JayTim week, day six- Stargazing.  
> I said in the tags you don't need to be familiar with Star Trek, but there are a few terms you'll need the definitions of:  
>  _Kaiidth_ \- "what is, is"  
>  _T'hy'la_ \- can mean "friend," "brother," or "lover."  
> Also, you need to know that Vulcans are touch-telepaths, so they don't usually let people touch them.  
> The lovely and beautiful TK has drawn the most amazing piece for this fic. It'll be at the end, and you can check it out on her [tumblr](http://jaykore.tumblr.com/post/157451468980/day-6-stargazing-blindfold-im-back-day-6).

Something’s happened.

Tim knows it. He can’t pinpoint what it is, or what caused it, or why. But all the same there is a change, a shift, and Jason’s looking at him in a way Tim’s never seen before, and it’s. It’s not even a bad expression, just kind of… a mix of wonder and surprise, and he can almost see a light bulb turning on right over Jason’s pointy ears. It’s not a bad look on him at all.

Then Jason looks scared, and that’s definitely concerning, because they aren’t doing anything to be scared of. They’re just sitting in the mess hall eating breakfast, and Tim’s just told some stupid joke he heard from Stephanie, and it’s like it is any other day. But Jason is suddenly terrified, and Tim glances around but doesn’t see anything that could have caused it. It’s only the two of them there.

Tim asks, “Jason?” and reaches out to touch his sleeve.

Jason yanks his arm away and is standing in an instant, backing away from the table. From Tim.

“What’s wrong?”

Jason gives a sharp shake of his head. His hand comes up to rest on the very spot Tim had touched.

“Hey, you can tell me,” Tim says, because Jason can tell Tim anything. He tells him everything. Right?

Then Jason’s face closes off completely. He turns blank, emotionless. And while this would be normal for any other Vulcan in the universe, it isn’t normal for Jason, and this is what pushes Tim from concerned to terrified. Like Jason was, just a second ago.

“Excuse me,” Jason says, and his flat tone creeps Tim the fuck out. He turns and walks away, leaving Tim sitting there, alone, shocked, with their unfinished breakfast.

~

Tim was bent over an exam table, pants around his ankles and a phaser burn on his ass.

The privacy curtain parted and in stepped a Vulcan wearing a blue medical tunic, and Tim breathed a sigh of relief because who better to deal with this mortifying situation than someone who was incapable of laughing at him?

“I’m Dr. Todd,” the man said, raising his eyebrows at Tim’s position.

“Ensign Drake.”

Dr. Todd whistled appreciatively, eyeing the wound.

Tim startled. He’d never heard a Vulcan whistle before.

“Wow,” the doctor said, stepping in closer and pulling out a tricorder.

“Yeah.” Tim nodded sheepishly. “There was… an incident.”

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about the burn,” the man said. “I meant your ass.”

Tim whipped his head around, eyes wide. “What?”

Todd met his stare evenly. “It’s very nice. You should take better care of it.”

“ _What?_ ” Tim repeated, his voice strained.

He got a shrug in response. “Just a suggestion. But let’s see what we can do to get you back in shape.”

Tim waited in tense confusion as the doctor ran the tricorder over the injury.

“Okay, doesn’t look too bad,” he concluded. “I’ll just grab the regenerator, and you’ll be fine after a few minutes.”

“Right,” Tim said faintly.

As Dr. Todd set up the regenerator, he asked, “How did this happen anyway?”

Tim sighed. “I was. Surprised. By someone.” By Stephanie. Who had laughed and laughed when, “They barged in and startled me while I was… practicing.”

He’d been practicing his quick draw. But the doctor didn’t need to know that.

“Are you telling me,” Todd asked, obvious relish in his voice, “that you shot yourself in the ass with your own phaser?”

“Well. Yeah, I guess.”

“You must be the worst security officer in the Fleet.”

“I’m not Security,” Tim protested. Like that was what mattered. “I’m Engineering.”

“Ah, yes. That explains the phaser burn on your ass. A security officer would have shot themselves in the face.”

“Wow, you really don't like security officers.”

“I have problems with authority,” the doctor answered. “Plus, my little brother is a security officer, so I’m obligated to make fun of them whenever possible.”

“Are you sure you're Vulcan?” Tim asked.

He gave a loose shrug. “Who knows! But I am sure I'm the doctor so sit still and let me touch your butt.”

Tim stared.

“To heal it,” Todd added.

“Um. Right.”

“So,” Todd said, “if you’re not security, then what were you practising for?”

Tim shrugged. He felt the skin on his bum knitting back together. It itched.

“Well I for one feel safer knowing you won’t be in charge of protecting me.”

“Are you really a doctor?” Tim asked, craning his neck to look at the man standing behind him. “Because your bedside manner is shit.”

“Watch it, mister,” Todd said lightly. “I’m the best damn doctor on this ship.”

“You know what,” Tim decided, “you may be the best doctor, but you are the worst Vulcan I’ve ever met.”

Dr. Todd smiled. “Oddly enough, this is not the first time someone’s said that to me.”

~

Jason doesn’t answer when Tim tries to hail him on the comm. It’s not that unusual, since Jason’s shift just started and working in sick bay doesn’t leave a doctor much down-time for a chat, but Tim still gets the feeling that he’s being intentionally avoided.

After Tim’s shift ends, he drops by sick bay. The nurse on duty tells him that Jason already left. He asks if Jason had seemed okay, and she curls her lips over her teeth for a moment before shaking her head.

“Not really,” she says. “He was… off.”

“Off how?” he asks.

“Well, we had a guy come in with- well. I can’t tell you. But Dr. Todd didn’t make any jokes about it, and he usually would have.”

Tim sighs, and thanks her, and leaves. He tries the gym next, finds Damian sparing with Cass, and they tell him Jason hasn’t been by, throwing kicks and dodging punches and not even looking at Tim. He checks the mess hall and the rec room. All of their favorite places. Everyone he asks says no, they haven’t seen Jason today. All the while Tim tries hailing, and gets no response.

He ends up in front of Jason’s quarters, pressing the button over and over, asking to be let in.

The door stays shut.

~

Tim saw the strike coming half a second too late. He tried to block but didn’t get his arm up in time, and took a chop to the ribs. He stumbled back, the air rushing out of him.

“Again?” Damian asked, breathing evenly and watching Tim with calm, judging eyes. The bastard hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“One second,” Tim wheezed, holding up a hand. He forced himself to stand straight, despite the tightness in his chest.

“Shall I go and eat dinner while you compose yourself? Although,” he said, sounding bored and maybe a little smug, “even then, I doubt you’ll be in any fit state.”

Tim rolled his eyes, pressing a hand to his side over where he would have a bruise very soon. “I’m fine.” He faced Damian again, settling into a ready stance. “I can do this.”

He couldn’t, actually, do it. As he learned when being smacked to the mat. Again.

Damian stood over him. “ _Tt._ Give up, Drake.”

Tim flopped over onto his back. The overhead lighting was particularly bright. “One more time.”

“You’ll never learn like that.”

Tim let his head roll to the side and saw Dr. Todd coming toward them. He was wearing the standard issue off-duty black tshirt and cargo pants. Tim was thrown, expecting to see blue. Also, not expecting to see the doctor in the gym.

Damian crossed his arms. “I am a qualified tutor. There has been improvement.”

“Did you just compliment me?” Tim asked.

“Of course not.”

“Sounded like it.”

“‘Improvement’ is hardly-”

“Anyway,” Todd interrupted, earning a petulant glare from Damian. “You kicking his ass over and over isn’t the best way for him to learn.”

“He’s not kicking my ass,” Tim protested, but he couldn’t really put much heart into it because Damian was, indeed, kicking his ass. Thoroughly. He winced as he pushed himself up off the floor.

“He is. And I told you to take care of that ass, remember?”

“What do you suggest,” Damian huffed through gritted teeth.

Tim was both thankful that he didn’t have to come up with a response to Dr. Todd, and that he got to see Damian’s feathers ruffled. He was usually so calm and superior, and for whatever reason the doctor got him riled up.

“Well,” Todd said with the tone of voice one might use to explain something very simple to a small child, “telling him exactly where he went wrong would be a start. Then you have to actually  _show him_ how to _fix it_.” He turned toward Tim and planted his feet. “Try that last strike again.”  

Damian scowled and took a step closer. “I can show him.”

Todd waved him away with a flick of his wrist. He smiled. “Come on, Ensign.”

Tim hesitated, feeling like he’d fallen into the middle of something between them. Then he noticed how Damian was sucking on his teeth angrily, and took his stance across from Todd. “I just want to point out first how unfair this is, seeing as you’re literally four times stronger than I am, what with the Vulcan biology and all that.”

Damian scoffed. “He won’t take that for an excuse.”

Todd grinned. “He’s right, I won’t. If you do it right, you can beat me.”

“Sure,” Tim sighed, and then he attacked.

Seconds later he found himself back on the mat, his knee pressed up by his ear- and goodness, he didn’t even know he could bend that way. Todd was leaning over him, a forearm against his throat with just enough pressure to be felt.

“Want to know where you went wrong, Drake?”

“You’ve gotten up close and personal with my ass and now you’re pinning me to the floor with my leg hooked over your shoulder, I think you can call me Tim now.”

Todd smiled. “Does that mean I have to show you my ass for you to call me Jason?”

Tim shrugged, much as he was able to in his position. “It wouldn’t hurt.”

“I’ll be leaving now,” Damian grumbled as he walked away, and Tim got the impression he would be throwing his hands in the air, were he the type to do so.

“What’s the matter, Dami,” Jason called, not letting up on his hold on Tim at all. Tim felt the vibrations of his voice each place they touched. Which was a lot of places. “Thought you were gonna teach him something.”

“You seem to have it handled,” came the fading reply.

Jason huffed, the corner of his mouth ticking up, and looked back down at Tim. “So dramatic, that boy.”

“I think I’m losing circulation in my foot. Permanently.” More concerning was the fact that they were so close, and Jason’s hand was low on the back of his thigh, and Tim didn’t exactly have a problem with any of it, but he wasn’t used to being touched like that by someone whose first name he’d only just learned. Or, by anyone. Ever.

“Nah, not like this. Don’t move, though, because I could easily do some real nerve damage.”

“Oh, great,” Tim said flatly. “Good thing we have such a close, trusting relationship that I feel comfortable with you putting me in such a position.”

“What, you don’t trust your doctor?”

“Should I trust you?”

“Absolutely.” Jason grinned. He did that a lot. “Vulcans never lie, and all that jazz.”

“Somehow I get the feeling that doesn’t apply to you.”

Jason winked. He let go and stood up.

Tim’s leg tingled, the blood rushing back where it needed to be.

~

Jason sits down across the table from Tim the next morning.

There’s no familiar, “Hey, Timmers.”

There’s no slapfight while Jason tries to steal Tim’s orange juice.

He doesn’t bump his foot against Tim’s.

He doesn’t smile.

He sits down and nods his head in brief acknowledgment and starts to eat a piece of toast.

Tim stares.

“Jason?”

“Yes?” He doesn’t look up.

“Are you okay?”

“I am...” Jason’s grip tightens around his napkin. “Functioning adequately.”

“What the fuck,” Tim says, and he keeps on staring while Jason keeps on _not looking at him_ and eating his breakfast. Tim gulps down some coffee because his mouth is too dry, because coffee makes everything better, right? Maybe Jason just needs some coffee. “I couldn’t find you yesterday. Where were you?”

“I was in many places over the course of the day.”

“You didn’t answer when I hailed you.”

“The logical assumption would be that I was unable to answer. I’m very busy, Tim.”

“What the _fuck_ ,” Tim repeats, because he’s never heard Jason say _logical_ when it wasn’t a joke. Jason _hates_ that word. “What’s wrong with you? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Jason answers, neatly folding his napkin over his now-empty plate. He meets Tim eyes, finally, and Tim almost wishes he hadn’t, because they’re cold and distant and it hurts to have Jason looking at him like that. Indifferent. Jason has never been indifferent about anything, ever, and especially not about Tim.

“Obviously something is. Talk to me,” Tim pleads. “Whatever it is, I can help.”

For a small moment, Jason looks unbearably sad. "Sometimes the solutions for our problems just aren't there, and no matter how much you desire an answer or an outcome, it’s just not going to happen."

“What does that mean?” Tim asks, reaching out to touch Jason’s sleeve, and Jason snatches his arm away. Like yesterday. This time there’s less abject fear, but it’s just as awful.

“It’s inappropriate for you to touch me so intimately. I must ask that you stop.”

“I touch you all the time!”

“I’m aware,” Jason answers as he stands, his chair screeching against the floor. “Don’t.”

“Jason, wait!” Tim’s standing now too, and several people are looking over in their direction, but he doesn’t care. “This isn’t right. You’re acting… It’s not you.”

"Of course this is me. I’m Jason Todd, ergo, any way I choose to act, is ‘me’."

And then he leaves, leaves Tim at the table confused and angry and hurting, for the second time in as many days.

~

Tim swung his bag over his shoulder, wincing at how the movement pulled his sore muscles. It was a good kind of sore though. He could feel himself getting stronger, smarter, faster. He’d trained with Jason again that day. He trained with Jason most of the time now. Damian rarely bothered to join in anymore. Tim suspected he just didn’t like not being the very best around, and when Jason was there Damian wasn’t the best. Tim couldn’t say he missed working with Damian too much.

Tim reached the gym door at the same time as Jason, who had his own bag over his arm and damp hair. Tim watched a droplet of water slide down his neck.

Jason asked, “You okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” Tim stepped forward and the door slid open. Jason followed him into the corridor. “Actually, no. That last round... You cheated.”

“I did no such thing,” Jason said, but he smiled.

“You did! You acted like you were going to go left, and then you faked and went right. You're a terrible cheater that cheats.”

“It’s called a feint, and any opponent with a scrap of training will do it to you. I'm trying to teach you how to protect yourself.”

Tim set off down the hall, Jason falling into step beside him. “I call it a lie. Vulcans aren't supposed to lie. You cheater.”

Jason motioned toward himself. “’Worst Vulcan’, remember?”

“I hate you.” Tim waved at Vic as he passed them going the opposite direction.

“Don't lie, Timbers, it's very unbecoming.”

“Don't talk to me, cheater.”

Jason sighed. “How about I get you some ice cream. Will that make you feel better?”

“I’m not a little kid.”

“Could have fooled me; you’re pouting like one.”

“Oh fuck you.”

“I don’t have time for that. But the ice cream offer still stands.”

“Fine,” Tim grumbled. “But it better be a big one.”

Jason paused in the middle of the hall and quirked his eyebrow.

Tim stopped. And then walked away again, rolling his eyes. “I mean the ice cream!”

“Sure you do.” Jason grinned and took a right at the next turn. “Alright let’s go.”

They made their way to a rec room on the same deck. It was Tim’s favorite rec room, because it had a giant view port spanning the back wall, and he loved to watch the stars flying past. While Tim claimed the table closest to the window, Jason went straight to the food synthesizer.

“Here you go,” Jason said, sliding a bowl toward Tim.

“How’d you know what I like?” Tim asked, already shoveling a bite into his mouth.

Jason shrugged as he sat down. “Educated guess. That one has ice cream, chocolate chips, and balls of cookie dough. Three in one.”

“Smart.”

Jason smiled. “I know.”

“And so humble. You know,” Tim said, setting aside his bowl, just for a moment. “I have to ask.”

Jason’s expression fell a bit flat. “Ask what?”

“You and Damian… I mean, he acts so different around you. It seems likes there’s some history there.”

“Oh,” Jason said, surprised. “I thought… never mind. History, yeah. He’s my brother.”

“Brother? But. Like. You’re a Vulcan. And he’s not.”

“Adopted brother.” Jason shook his head, pouting. “Way to be close-minded and speciesist, Timbers.”

“Oh whatever.” Tim tucked into his ice cream again. He’d be sorry if he thought for a second Jason was actually offended. And he wanted to ask, of course he did. Wanted to know how a human and a Vulcan ended up in the same family. But those kinds of stories tended to not be very happy ones, and Tim didn’t want to force anything Jason wasn’t ready for.

And he was dying to know why Jason didn’t act like a Vulcan. But again, Jason didn’t seem excited to talk about it.

So Tim polished off the bowl and said, “Thanks for that. I feel marginally about you being an awful, lying cheater who cheats.”

~

“I’m telling you, something is seriously wrong with him!”

“You’ve been friends for over a year, and you’re just now realising that?” Roy’s voice comes muffled from the conduit he’s halfway inside. He shifts, and a chunk of frayed wires flies out over his shoulder.

Tim dodges the scrapmetal. “No, I mean different wrong. He’s shutting me out. He’s repressing. Roy,” Tim says gravely, waiting until the man crawls out of the bulkhead and catches his eyes, “he said _logical_.”

Roy’s jaw drops. “Like, a joke, right?”

Tim shakes his head.

“Oh shit,” Roy sighs. He settles more comfortably, leaning against the wall with his elbow propped up on one knee. “When did it start?”

Tim sits down next to him. “Two days ago. We were in the mess hall, just talking, and then all of the sudden he looked really scared, and then he went blank and ran away and avoided me all day. Then yesterday he was all stiff and told me not to touch him and was saying some cryptic shit about I don’t even know what.”

“Fucking idiot,” Roy spits.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean Jason. Although,” Roy says, “you’re being pretty stupid too.”

“What? Why?”

“Tim,” Roy says, weary like he’s feeling the burden of being the only person around with a lick of sense. “Let’s think this through.”

Tim doesn’t appreciate Roy’s condescension, but he’s fairly used to it by now and besides, he’ll put up with pretty much anything to help Jason. “Okay.”

Roy prompts, “Why would Jason shut down?”

“I don’t know! That’s why I’m here.”

“Okay, what would Jason’s shutting down result in?”

“So far, upsetting me and freaking out everyone on the ship.”

“Right.” Roy smiles indulgently. “Assuming he isn’t actively trying to mess with ship operations by freaking everyone out, because that’s ridiculous even for that crazy bastard, what conclusion can we reach?”

“That… he’s _trying_ to upset me?”

“Bingo.”

“But. Why would Jason _want_ to push me away?”

Roy asks, “Why does Jason do anything?”

“Either because he thinks it’s funny, or out of love.”

“And do you think Jason thinks it’s funny to hurt you?”

“No, of course not,” Tim answers.

Roy stares at him.

“Okay, so he’s doing this because he cares about me.”

“Loves you,” Roy clarifies.   

Tim rubs his temples. Takes a deep breath. “I know Jason loves me. We’re friends.”

“Right. Friends.”

Tim ignores him. “But that doesn’t explain why. Why does he think what he’s doing is any good for me.”

Roy sighs and picks up his tools again. As he’s crawling back into the conduit he asks, “What could he possibly be protecting you from, by pushing you away? I wonder.”

Tim frowns, because the only answer is that Jason is trying to protect Tim from Jason himself, and that doesn’t make any sense.

“What makes you think Jason isn’t just trying to protect himself from me?”

Tim doesn’t know why Jason would be afraid of Tim, but it seems a more viable interpretation. Somehow.

Roy is quiet.

~

“Hey.”

Tim jumped, smacking his head on the console he was working on. “ _Fuck_ ,” he hissed, coming out from underneath it and clutching a hand to the top of his head.

“Sorry,” Jason said, but he was laughing a little.

Tim straightened up and glared. “What are you doing back here? How did you find me?” Tim’s work station was a secluded room on the ass-end of the engineering deck. Hardly anyone ever visited. Especially people that weren’t even part of the engineering staff.

“Roy told me. I came by to take you to lunch.” Jason took a step closer. He lifted his hand to hover over Tim’s hair. “Here, let me look at that.”

“I’m fine,” Tim said, but he dropped his arm and stood still while Jason inspected him.

“You sure are,” Jason said.

Tim rolled his eyes.

“Alright, it’s not bad.” Jason ran his fingers through Tim’s hair once and quickly ducked away before Tim could land a slap.

Tim tried to flatten his hair back down. “Lunch?”

“Yeah, usually after breakfast, before dinner.”

“Why?”

“People tend to need to eat,” Jason said. “I know you don’t think you don’t need to, but it’s kind of a thing.”

“I eat.”

“You weren’t at breakfast, today or yesterday.”

“I’m in the middle of something,” Tim explained, pointing at the cannibalised console. “I’m overhauling the whole system.”

“And how long have you been working on it?”

“Um. What day is it?”

“5952.4”

“Oh. Three days, then.”

“And I’m guessing you haven’t eaten or slept in that time.”

Tim blinked slowly, trying to remember.

“Right. Let’s go, Timbo.” Jason took hold of Tim’s upper arm and dragged him away. Tim protested, but it fell on unsympathetic, pointed ears. Jason was much too strong for Tim to fight, particularly in his current state, and soon they were in front of the door to a room Tim didn’t recognise.

“Where are we?”

Jason typed a code into the keypad and the door whooshed open. He tugged Tim inside. “My quarters.”

“Your...” Tim trailed off as he stepped inside. The heat was the first thing he noticed. Just on the right side of too warm. Like sinking into a bath at the end of the day. The lighting was softer than the standard setting for the rest of the ship. Tim wondered if it was a matter of personal preference or if maybe harsh lighting was a problem for Vulcan eyes.

Jason led him to a small table and sat him down in one of the two chairs on either side. Tim settled in while Jason went to the replicator nearby.

Tim didn’t have a replicator in his quarters. Tim didn’t have special lighting or environmental control. He also shared with Kon.

Jason had a private room. “Lucky bastard.”

Jason laughed. “Perks of higher rank, Ensign.”

“Whatever,” Tim grumbled. Jason handed him a plate of food and Tim ate quickly, not realising how hungry he’d been until he took that first bite of mashed potatoes. He looked around while he stuffed his mouth. There were two pictures that Tim could see, on the bookshelf across the room. One was of Jason and Damian, looking a few years younger, standing on either side of a middle-aged man wearing an admiral’s uniform. The next was Jason with his arm slung around an older man with tired, kind eyes. Tim swallowed. “Your family?”

Jason nodded and sat down in the other chair. He sipped a mug of tea. “My old man, Bruce. And Alfred.”

He didn’t explain any further, and Tim didn’t push it. Instead he asked, “Why did you bring me to your room?”

“I figured it’s the best place to make sure you eat and sleep, uninterrupted. I can keep an eye on you.” He grinned. “I can lock you in here.”

“Why not take me to medbay?”

“It’s quiet here. And the bed is more comfortable, trust me.”

Tim glanced over to the bed. It did look cozy. “I have to get back to work soon.”

“No you don’t. It can wait.”

“What about when my shift starts again?”

“I’ll talk to Roy and tell him I’m putting you on a brief medical leave.” When Tim gave him an incredulous look, Jason stared back harder. “You need forty-eight hours, minimum.”

Tim narrowed his eyes, but didn’t say anything and finished his food, already planning his escape attempt. He could override the lock in the door, no problem. That is, if Jason left the room for more than six minutes. He’d have to eventually, right? Tim could wait.

Jason took his empty plate and tossed him some sleep clothes. “Sorry, they’ll be too big, but it’s all I have. You can change in the bathroom.” He pointed to a door Tim somehow missed before.

“Private bathroom,” Tim sighed, in equal parts bitter resentment and appreciation. Not completely private, as Jason shared it with one other officer whose door was on the other end of the restroom, but better than what Tim was used to. When he came back out, Jason was sitting at his desk, reading off his padd. Jason smiled at the way the bottoms of his sweatpants dragged on the floor.

“Go. Sleep.”

Tim dropped onto the bed and groaned happily. It really was very comfortable. “Just for a little while,” he mumbled. “Then I’m breaking out of here.”

Jason laughed and said something in response, but Tim missed it because he was already drifting off.

When he woke up twenty hours later Jason was still there. Jason brought him a breakfast full of bacon and other wonderful things and Tim forgot about trying to escape. They talked for a long while and then Tim fell back asleep.

He shivered when he finally left Jason’s quarters, the standard temperature that he’d been accustomed to for over three years now feeling too cold.

~

Tim hasn’t ever pushed Jason to talk. He respects the boundaries of Jason’s comfort and waits until Jason chooses to open up to him, which he does, eventually.

Tim mourns that perfect record as he hacks his way into Jason’s quarters. The keypad finally surrenders and the door slides open. Tim steps inside, taking a moment to appreciate the comforting heat. Then he pulls on his metaphorical big boy pants and prepares for a confrontation.

Jason is sitting at his table, facing the door, and his eyes shoot wide in surprise as Tim enters. He quickly tamps down on his reaction, however, and treats Tim to a cold look. “Ensign.”

“Asshole.”

Jason’s jaw twitches, barely, and he stands up and plants himself in front of Tim. Too far away to touch. “You just broke into a superior officer’s quarters. Leave now and I won’t report you.”

“No. We’re talking.”

“This is insubordination and highly inappropriate. Don’t make me call security.”

“Oh, security, huh?” Tim mocks, taking a step forward. “What, you can’t take care of me yourself? Need to call your little brother to help?”

Tim didn’t come here planning to goad Jason, but he sees the flash of anger in Jason’s eyes and it’s _something_ , it’s a reaction, and Tim wants more. Anything that isn’t the disconnect he’s been subject to the last couple of days. But he also understands the danger in making a Vulcan angry. Even Jason, who has a better relationship with his emotions than most Vulcans, would be terrifying if he snapped, and while Tim has improved his combat skills considerably over the past year, he has no illusions about just how quickly Jason could tear him apart.

Tim sighs. “Look, Jason, I’m not leaving until we’ve talked about this.”

“Then I will leave,” Jason says, and he moves for the door but Tim blocks his path. Jason stares down at him. “Move.”

“No.” Jason could push him aside so easily, but instead he curls his hands into fists at his sides. Tim asks, “Why won’t you touch me?”

Jason doesn’t answer.

Tim steps closer, and Jason backs away.

“Jason, why are you afraid of me?”

Jason looks at Tim then, and the sadness Tim sees there breaks his heart.

~

“My mother gave me up.”

Tim froze, his mug halfway to his mouth. “What?”

Jason was looking at the pictures on his bookshelf. “I was raised on Earth, by Bruce Wayne. By humans.”

Tim guessed, “That’s why you don’t act like other Vulcans.”

“That’s why I had the opportunity not to,” Jason clarified. “Bruce raised me as Vulcan as he could. I had Vulcan tutors and counselors; I grew up knowing my culture. I was confused and felt out of place on Earth, and I repressed all of that because that’s what they told me to do. They taught me to be _logical_.”

Jason spoke quietly, but there was a hard edge to his voice.

Tim stayed silent. He set down his coffee.

“I met my mother once, when I was fifteen. I tracked her down. She’s a doctor. And no, that’s not why I became a doctor. I had already chosen what I wanted to do by then, and I wasn’t going to let her have any influence over my life, so when I found out, I just decided to be a better doctor than she was. And I am.” Jason nodded to himself.

“Anyway, I asked her why she abandoned me. She looked at me and said...” Jason swallowed, looking hard at the carpet. “She said it had been the logical choice.

“She explained that after I was born she wasn’t able to take care of me while advancing her career. My father had died when she was pregnant with me and there wasn’t any other family available to take me in, so she put me up for adoption. She’d been working at a clinic in San Francisco at the time, and wasn’t willing to take the time to send me back to Vulcan, so I was put into the system there in California.

“I think someone must have alerted Starfleet, and they sent Bruce to investigate because he had diplomatic and political experience with Vulcans. My mother was long gone, so there was nothing he could about her, but, for whatever reason, he took me home.

“After I talked with her I decided I didn’t want to be Vulcan anymore. I fired my tutors and threw out anything I had that was Vulcan. My tapestries. My lyre. I stopped meditating and repressing. I didn’t want to be  _logical._

“It was really hard. There’s a reason Vulcans choose to live that way, you know? Our natural tendencies are…. severe. Bruce didn’t have a clue what to do with me. He wanted to be supportive, but he wasn’t sure if my decision was what was best for me. He didn’t know how to handle a teenaged Vulcan with anger and abandonment issues, facing those feelings for the first time in his life. Honestly I’m surprised we all came out of it alive.”

Jason stood and picked up the picture of him and Damian standing on either side of their dad. “It helped when Damian came. He was just an angry, bratty little kid when his mom dropped him off on our doorstep. I liked him right away. I related to him. I made more of an effort when he was around. I didn’t want to hurt him.”

Jason set the photo down again and looked at the one of Alfred. “And then one day Alfred told me something. He said that I could still be Vulcan, without being trapped by cold, hard logic. He said that there’s more to us as a people than that, and while most of the population had chosen to define themselves that way, It wasn’t one or the other. I didn’t have to give up on my entire species, just because I wanted to keep my emotions. Most of them give up on me for it, but I that’s their choice, and I made mine.

“I took years,” Jason said, coming back to the small table. He sat and wrapped his hands around his tea. “Bruce wasn’t able to do much for me himself, but he was there, still willing to be my dad, and that’s all I really need from him. He found me professionals to help with the rest. Learning how to manage everything was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I still struggle every day, but it _is_ possible,” Jason said, meeting Tim’s eyes. “It’s _possible_.”

Tim nodded. He wanted to tell Jason how amazing he was. How proud Tim felt. But he knew Jason wasn’t looking for that, so he sipped his coffee. It was barely warm by then.

“ _V’tosh ka’tur_ ,” Jason said. “That’s what they call Vulcans like me. It’s not usually a compliment. But, you know, _kaiidth_. Or whatever. I just live the way I want to, and let them judge me from their miserable high horses.”

Tim smiled. He raised his mug in a toast.

Jason’s cup clinked against Tim’s.

~

“Why are you afraid of me?” Tim asks again. “That’s the only reason I can think of that you’d be trying to hurt me: you’re scared.”

“Who said I’m trying to hurt you?” Jason says, but it sounds pathetic. His apathy is melting. His cold, logical wall is crumbling. It wasn’t very strong to begin with; he’s been keeping it torn down for almost fifteen years.  

“The only reason you would act like _her_ is to hurt someone, because that’s the only kind of hurt you understand,” Tim says. “You would only go that far if it was really important to you, and there just aren’t very many people here that you care about enough to do that for.”

“It could be Damian.”

“It’s not, though. Is it.”

“No,” Jason whispers. “It’s not.”

Tim moves forward again, and this time Jason doesn’t stop him from touching his arm. “What the hell is going on?”

“This,” Jason says, waving a hand between them. At where Tim is clutching Jason. “We can’t, okay?”

“Can’t what? Be friends?”

“Tim.” His name falls from Jason’s mouth buried in pain. “If you want to talk about it, then you have to be honest too. You know that’s not what this is.”

“What? Of course we’re friends.”

“Yeah, we are. We’re also something else. Either way it’s a bad idea.”

Tim blinks. Digs his nails into the familiar blue fabric of Jason’s sleeve. He doesn’t understand part of that, so he latches on to what he can argue. “How is it a bad idea?”

Jason closes his eyes. “Did you know a Vulcan’s lifespan is about two hundred years?” Without waiting for Tim to respond, Jason says, “Think about what that would mean for us.”

“It would mean that you’ll still be fit when I’m old and I’ll never be able to beat you in a fight.”

Tim meant for it to be a joke, but it falls flat and Jason doesn’t laugh. Instead he opens unbearably sad eyes and says, “Exactly. I won’t age like you will.”

“So?”

“You deserve someone to grow old with, and I can’t give you that.” Tim opens his mouth, not really knowing what to say but feeling the need to contest it anyway, but Jason cuts him off. “And then you’ll die while I’ll still have half a life to live. You’ll leave me, and I’ll have to go on for another hundred years with the pain of having lost my _t'hy'la_.”

“ _T'hy'la_ ,” Tim echoes softly, but not asking for clarification; he knows what the word means. He’s never heard Jason refer to him that way.

“I don’t know if I can handle that, Tim.”

“You’ll have to say goodbye to Bruce and Alfred and Damian.”

“I know, and I’ll hate it. But it would be different with you.”

Tim asks, “Why?” because he still doesn’t understand.

Jason frowns down at him. “Because I love you, you idiot.”

“Well if you love me then don’t push me away, double idiot.” It’s not Tim’s best comeback ever, but he’s struggling to put all of the pieces together.

“It’s for your own good! And mine!”

“How can it be any good if we aren’t together?”

Jason yells, “I just told you!”

“No,” Tim yells back, “you just told me why you’re scared of being my friend. Or something. It doesn’t sound like it would be better. It sounds lonely and I hate it. Jason, you can't not enjoy things and hurt other people just because you’re afraid. Both of my parents are gone, okay, I know what it’s like to live with that loss every day. It sucks. It’s horrible. But I don’t keep people away for the rest of my life because of it. So don’t say you’re trying to protect me, because I don’t want it. I wouldn’t choose to end our relationship. This is about you now.”

“Fine,” Jason says, ripping his arm away from Tim’s grasp. “Then I’m afraid. And that fear is going to keep me safe from the pain of losing you.”

“It won’t! You’ll lose me right now, if you have your way, so you’ll feel it either way,” Tim argues. “And why this? Your entire adult life you’ve been facing your emotions head-on. You’ve dealt with everything else life has thrown at you. Why is it that this is the one thing you can’t deal with?”

“It’s more, okay?” Jason grabs Tim and reels him in, wraps his arms around him. Tim pushes his face into Jason’s chest, breathes in the smell of him. He feels the vibrations of Jason’s words against his forehead. “What I feel for you is bigger and stronger and _more_ than I’ve ever felt before, and it’s terrifying. The other morning at breakfast you made that stupid joke and you were so happy and beautiful and all of the sudden I couldn’t handle how much I loved you. It was the first time since I was first learning control that I thought I might lose it. I thought about losing you, and it scared me so much that I shut down.”

Tim rests his hands on Jason’s back, sliding them up and down. “Does that mean you’d really rather not have me at all?”

“I thought that’s what I wanted,” Jason says into Tim’s hair.

“Is it still?”

“I don’t know.”

Jason doesn’t let Tim go, even when Tim starts to fall asleep in his arms. He just lays Tim down on the bed and curls up around him, and they stay there until they’re forced to leave by the starts of their shifts the next morning.

~

“Drake!”

Tim almost turned around and walked away, but he was hungry and Jason was waiting.

“Yeah?” Tim asked and Damian pushed his way through a small group of people talking in the hall. He could have walked around them. Tim sighed. “What’s up?”

“I’m looking for Jason.”

“...And so you came and found me?”

“Of course. He was neither at his post nor in his quarters, so he must be with you.”

“Well he’s not,” Tim said, indicating the empty space next to him.

Damian gave an unimpressed blink. “You know where he is.”

“I’m headed over to have breakfast with him.”

Damian turned and stalked toward the mess hall. “You could have said that in the first place.”

“You could be less of an ass,” Tim said, following.

When they reached the mess hall Damian paused, scanning the room for his brother. Tim passed him and walked directly to the table he knew Jason would be at, the table they’d claimed every day for the past two weeks. Jason smiled as Tim sat down.

“Hey, Timbo.”

“Hey, thanks for getting me my favorite,” Tim said, and snagged the glass of orange juice from Jason’s tray.

“That’s mine, give it!” Jason tried to take back the juice, but Tim slid his chair just far back enough that Jason couldn’t reach it.

“Well I’m drinking it now.”

“The second you put it down, I’ll get it,” Jason warned. His resentful tone was belied by the plate of food he slid Tim’s way. “Now _this_ actually is for you.”  

Tim smiled and dug into his eggs. He looked up and realised Damian was standing there, watching them. He wore a vaguely alarmed expression.

Jason saw him then too. “Oh hey, Dami.”

Damian twitched at the nickname but didn’t comment. “Did you receive a communication from Father this morning?”

“I didn’t have time to check all of my messages. What’s up?”

Damian shot a look at Tim like that was his fault. Maybe it was. Jason liked to beat Tim to the table. “It’s Pennyworth.”

All of the good humor drained from Jason’s face. “What’s wrong? Is Al okay?”

“It seems there was in incident. Pennyworth took a fall.”

“Is he _okay_ ,” Jason demanded, close to yelling.

“He is recovering well, Father assures me. ‘Minor scrapes and bruises’, he said. We can expect a message from Pennyworth himself within the next few days.” Damian glanced down, and his attention caught on something. His jaw dropped slightly.

Tim followed his line of sight to where his hand was covering Jason’s. He didn’t remember putting it there. “Sorry,” he mumbled, and tried to pull away.

Jason didn’t let him. Instead he flipped his own hand over and grabbed hold of Tim’s more tightly, still focused on his brother.

Damian looked incredulous.

“Thanks for telling me,” Jason said. “Are you okay?”

“I… yes,” Damian said, tearing his eyes away from their hands. “I am fine. Goodbye.”

Jason watched Damian walk (run) away, then turned back toward Tim. He grinned. “I think we made him uncomfortable.”

“Brilliant deduction, there. I am sorry, though, I know Vulcans don’t like to be touched.”

“It’s fine,” Jason said. He let go of Tim’s hand to continue eating.

“Really, I won’t do it again.”

“Really, I don’t mind, Tim. Besides...” He reached over lighting quick and took back the orange juice. “I feel all better now.”

~

Tim finds Jason in the rec room, standing in front of the view port. There are only three other people in the room, taking up the far corner. Jason doesn’t turn as Tim approaches, but he leans in a little closer so that their sides are touching.  

“Hey, Timmers.”

The ship isn’t currently at warp, so instead of stars flying past, Tim looks out into still space. They’ve stopped at an L class planet so the geologists can collect samples. Tim can see the planet from here, along with one of its moons and a far stretch of stars. It’s beautiful. It’s why Tim joined Starfleet- other than having no reason to stay on Earth.

“Have you thought about it?”

Jason slips his arm around Tim’s back, rests his hand on Tim’s upper arm. His thumb rubs Tim’s sleeve. “Yeah.”

“And?”

“I’m not giving you up,” he says softly into Tim’s hair.

Tension bleeds out of Tim’s bones, and he slumps back onto Jason. Jason holds his weight easily. “Good,” he sighs. “You idiot.”

“Double idiot.”

Tim laughs.

“There is something, though. That we need to talk about.”

“What is it?” Tim asks.

Jason’s grip tightens briefly. “I need to know- I know you love me. But I’m not sure if it’s the same way I love you. And if it isn’t, that’s okay. I would still want you in my life. I just...”

“Jason?”

Jason brings his free hand to Tim’s chin, lifts his face so that they’re looking at each other. Slowly, so very slowly, with all the time in the world for Tim to pull away, Jason leans down. Tim doesn’t move, and Jason searches his eyes for some kind of answer. He must find it, because he closes in that last inch and kisses Tim.

“Oh,” Tim says when Jason pulls away. Not far though. He’s right there. He’s looking at Tim like... “Oh,” Tim says again, and then he pushes up on his toes enough to reach Jason’s lips. It’s a weird angle, and his neck is craned to the side, but it’s wonderful.

Jason smiles as Tim rocks back on his heels. He smiles like he does when he wins a sparring match or an argument. The only difference is the green tint on the pointed tips of his ears.

“Oh my gosh,” Tim says, wide-eyed. “You blush green.”

This only serves to spread the color to Jason’s cheeks. “Shut up,” he says. “I have green blood, do you think I’d turn purple?”

“How have I never seen this before,” Tim asks. “I need to see this all the time. Tell me how to embarrass you so I can see it all the time.”

“You’re awful,” Jason grumbles, turning his attention back to the view outside.

“I’ll ask Damian, if you won’t tell me.”

“Fucking awful.”

“ _Kaiidth_. Or whatever.”

Jason laughs.

 

 


End file.
